There was so much time I lost with them. Most of the day I couldn’t be with them. I lost many hours in a day that I wish I would have been able to have with them. When I would lay down and go to sleep at night, I would cry thinking about how they weren’t home with me. How I was missing watching them fall asleep at night. How I was missing rocking them to sleep, singing to them, and being so tired but not wanting to put them down. For five weeks I ached for both of them to be home, to make up for that time that was lost. Then Kade came home and I began to make up time with him and yet, I still ached every night for two more weeks for Jax. I lost time with him on his first Christmas because he was still in NICU. Then, the day after Christmas, I had both my babies home. The amount of happy I was, was indescribable. To be near me though, you could feel the happiness and joy radiating off of me. I was so beyond tired with both of them home, but I was bathed in joy. Hubby had been sick since Christmas morning and naturally, the babies got sick too. Kade handled it better though and didn’t get as sick, Jax however, got very sick and the day after New Years, he was back in the hospital.